Do nice people succeed in the workplace?
I know this isn’t always true, but in my limited experience, it’s often the obnoxious and frequently rude individuals that seem to succeed and become top of their game. I consider myself a nice guy and strive to act friendly towards my fellow workers – a sadly futile and demoralising task . I enjoy a relaxed, but energised working environment, but sometimes the pressure builds. For the first time (and not without provocation), I lost it with a colleague today and told them exactly what I thought about them. A first for me ever – I really have never done this before for fear of the consequences. It felt strangely good.
I have always believed in the “avoid confrontation at all costs” approach to arguments and frequently hold my tongue when something is said against me or of which I disagree. This has enabled me to avoid bar brawls and getting my eyes scratched out by soon-to-be ex-girlfriends. I have known people who are mouthy and arrogant and who enjoy picking fights. Problem is, there’s always a bigger guy out there and odds are you’ll meet him one day down a dark alley.
So what was the reaction? Surprisingly positive. I lost it, but I really tried not to be rude (defeats the object of ‘losing it’, I know), but I think they understood my point and it was clear that this had been building up for some weeks. Afterwards, it felt like a thunderstorm had passed overhead and the air became clearer and everyone could breathe more easily. I was spoken to differently and with a little more respect. Perhaps there will be some comeback in the next few days, but I’m ready if there is.
It’s sad that this has to happen, but I’ve seen it many times with colleagues in the office and perhaps this is part of positioning yourself in the workplace. I heard a saying once: “you are as you are perceived to be” and perhaps if some respect is asked for, it will be shown. An interesting thought and one I am sure plenty of people will disagree with. The trick is being a friendly guy, without letting yourself become a door mat for someone to walk over.
Office politics is a game and it would seem that each boss is more challenging to overcome than the previous one!
On the rare occasions that I have ‘lost it’, I usually feel quite ill afterwards. Then, one time I was told, years after the incident, that the person I was angry with actually was glad about my outburst and respected me so much more for it. I was dumbfounded.
In the UK workplace, less needs be said, there’s more ‘coded messages’ re: what’s appropriate and what’s not. If you say to a junior worker “I suggest that you…” or “If I were you, I would…”, they’d get the message. In Poland you need to be more direct. Unless you give a direct order, there’s a good chance that your friendly understatement will not be taken as an instruction, rather as an option. In my first years in Poland I’d often lose it at people when after pointed suggestions that they do something, they’ve failed to do it. Team-building, trust, long-term relationships where team members implicitly understand how their fellows think and act – this works well across all cultures, but takes longer to establish in Poland.
That’s interesting – perhaps it’s the Brit way to be suggestive rather than direct. I wrote an email chasing a client for some work not done last week, but wrote it in a very polite way. I was told it was too ‘British’ and to cut out all the niceties!
By the way, the relationship I now have with my colleague is much better and it seems Poles respect directness and tend not to get offended. Turning it around, if I’d spoken to a colleague in this manner in the UK, I think there may have been negative lasting effects.
It’s surprising how these cultural oddities still spring up after so long!